This morning, I was really exhausted and didn't feel like eating at all and had stomach pains, so I made a soymilk banana smoothie with a black bean cocoa pudding.It was so healthy and delicious that my pain went away ;)
Why I had the pain is because I was still anxious and argued about the issue again with him last night. Damn!!! I think we've been kept on doing this for about 4 months. He didn't like it, of course, so we had a big fight again. He said he really wants to be with me but he can't if I'm always like this.
Then I finally realized one big thing when he told me he wants to move forward. In addition to "trust" and "forgiveness", I should "NEVER LOOK BACK"!!! Knowing the past will never help improve anything because you can't change the past. You just get nervous and nag your loved one. I know some poeple (like me) want to make things clear before you move on to the next step, but it's just a waste of time. I am sorry to all people who become victim to our stuff...
I will never look his cell or make a search for his secret from today. I will always trust his words. I believe this is the true "trust" because my mistrust was an axe.
It is easy to understand this in your mind but not from the bottom of your heart until you experience it, so it took me a long time to get these ideas.
This is my last post about this. I will never look back. I know we can be super happy then ;)
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